Cult Classic Apparel

Join the cult, robes are optional, T-shirts are mandatory.

    • Witch’s Seal of Approval

      “Better than invisibility spells and black magic. People don’t even make eye contact with me anymore.”

      — Nocturna the Avoidant

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    • Howl Yeah, This Shirt Changed Me!

      “I wore this while eating an entire box of Frosted Fangs. The shirt survived the milk, the full moon, and my rage when I realized we were out of marshmallows.”

      — Lycan the Crunch Fiend

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    • Burpees and Bolts

      “Tore my last tank top mid-bench. This one held through curls, cardio, and crypt sprints. Finally, gymwear for the reanimated.”

      — Frankie Pumpalot

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    • Buried Me in This, Came Back for More.

      “They dressed my corpse in this as a joke. I clawed my way out just to order three more. Fashion this strong shouldn’t be legal.”

      — Luther the Lich

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    • Fri-Yay & Slay

      “I only work on Fridays, but thanks to this masterpiece, the victims now compliment my outfit before they scream. Stylish and efficient.”

      — Freddy “TGIF” Baxter

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    • Still Dead, Slightly Impressed.

      “I’ve hated every moment of existence, death included. But this shirt? Ugh… fine. It’s perfect. Don’t make it a big deal.”

      — Raven Withrow, Emotionally Unavailable Since 1993

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    • Great Old One, Even Greater Style.

      “It’s hard to find clothing that screams ‘ancient chaos’ while still being soft on the tentacles. This? Perfect.”

      — Cthulhu, Fashion Overlord

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    • Six Feet Under, Still Headbanging.

      “I’ve been decomposing since ’83, but this shirt brought back my mojo. I put it on and instantly summoned a phantom mosh pit in my crypt. 10/10 would crowd surf through the afterlife again.”
      — Axel Graveheart, Former Frontman of The Ghouligans

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    • Bats Off To This Look!

      “Can’t see myself in mirrors, but judging by the screams of joy from villagers, I look incredible. Best undead purchase since the plague cloak.”

      — Count Dripula

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    • Snapped My Pitchfork in Half, Bought Crystals.

      “I used to burn souls, now I just burn sage. This shirt started it all. Inner demons? Consider them hugged.”

      — Satan, CEO of Smoldering Style

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    • Noob Tears Are Delicious.

      “The shirt soaks up my enemies’ tears like premium fabric, Lost my rank but gained eternal trolling glory. Totally worth it.”

      — Trollius TearCollector69

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    • Better Than Any Ritual

      “Forget ancient spells. This shirt brought me more followers in one day than centuries of sacrifice.”

      — Baphomet

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    • Nevermore? More Like Forevermore!

      “Purchased this fine garment and, I confess, its dark allure has soothed my tortured soul. Now, when my raven perches above the chamber door and mocks me with its endless insults, I simply gaze upon my shirt and smile. The bird still abuses me, but somehow… I deserve it.” — The Ghost of Edgar Allan Poe

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    • The Hunger Is Real

      “Before this shirt, I could go days without craving a single brain, I had zero appetite. Now? The second I put it on, I’m gnawing femurs, raiding graveyards, and chasing joggers like it’s Black Friday at the morgue. 10/10, would frenzy again.” — Gurgles the Ever-Starved

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    • Back in the Game

      “After 137 years of laying low due to a nasty bout of the plague, I’d almost hung up my knife. Then I bought this shirt. The second I slipped it on my strength came back, the fog rolled in, the gas lamps flickered, and I felt that old spark in my step. London… Daddy’s home.” — Jack the Ripper

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